Yeah it has been a while since I have written. And it made me feel good that someone actually mentioned it to me, that they missed reading them! (Thank you Kellie)
I took a few minutes and I read through all of the postings I have done so far. . I have come SO far in the last two years it is amazing. I am no longer that confused, scared, trying to keep a smile on my face woman. I am strong, I am confident, I am for lack of a better word.... Happy.
It took a lot of struggles and mistakes to get to this point. I was searching and searching for love, I kept thinking that is the only thing that will make me complete and whole again. But that is SO not the case. I am whole as me... just me.... Being happy with myself, as I am emotionally in the best place I have been in years!
My boys are growing so fast. Caleb at 10 1/2 is almost as tall as me. Jonah has grown over an inch in the last month! (and outgrown all of his school clothes!) Zechariah has even hit a growth spurt. Levi my baby will be 3 next week!! Caleb has found his love of sports in football and cannot wait for next season. We are getting ready to get Jonah signed up for baseball. His sport of choice. Zechariah and Levi are my gamers. LOL
My schedule with the kids and Mike has changed quite a bit, and it was an adjustment at first, but it is working now. Mentally it is a better thing for me. I had to make a decision for once that put my own emotions first, not the kids or Mike. So he does not come to my house every day anymore. Although he is more than welcome in my home, he no longer has a key and no longer comes to get the boys every day.
My relationship with Mike and N is great. N is now listed in my phone as "BDLP" (Baby Daddy Life Partner).... we think it is funny! We text and talk quite a bit and are able to just be friends. We all are on the same page when it comes to the boys. We all co-parent and speak to each other regarding all situations with the kids. "I had to sit Caleb down and tell him....." Or "Jonah and Zech were fighting etc..." "What do you think we should do about ...." We socialize together at holidays and special occasions. We went to Caleb's football games and sat together in the bleachers. As always the easiest way to describe it is we are a strange family.... but a family none the less!
As far as me and my love life... it is non-existent. Not because a lack of effort or interest. I just that I am not settling for anything less than everything I want in someone. Until I find it, I am going to have a good time and enjoy my life. I have reconnected with old friends, learned to stay away from some people who call themselves "friends", and focus on me and doing what I need to do to continue my quest in happiness.
2014 is gearing up to be a great year. Our divorce will be final sometime in the next 30-60 days. Which could bring up a bit of emotion, but I won't let that word define me. I am looking forward to this year, my attitude this year is be truly happy. I will continue on that road!
Happy 2014 to everyone reading! May this year be better than the previous!
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