For the last few years today hasn't phased me much, last year I completely forgot. But today is a shitty day for me. 20 years ago today I woke up anxious and excited to begin the rest of my life with the man I thought would love me until the end.
You see I didn't get married young. I waited, I enjoyed my early 20's, I traveled, moved away, partied a lot. Enjoyed doing whatever I wanted. Had my own place, my own stuff my own life. I learned how to be myself. When I met my ex, i was in my mid 20's, I just turned 25 actually.... and by 27 we were ready to settle down and start a life.
But it wasn't a life. It was a time... and in that time I got the BEST part of my life which is my boys. And I do NOT want that life back, I don't think you could pay me enough to even try and at the same time I wouldn't change it. But when I was in that life I will say this. I was an amazing wife. I was what a wife should be an then some. And today I am pissed that it was wasted on someone who didn't appreciate, value or even want it. I am angry that even after I forgave him when he broke my heart 4 years in, I still continued to live like the betrayal wasn't there. I lived with the hope that the time of trial would be rewarded by a life of love and happiness. What a joke! I believed that my faith and works within the church would be rewarded with a restored marriage and family. Instead I got continued betrayal and heartache.
In the back of my mind I say to myself woman get over it already, and I am over it like 99%. Most days it doesn't even phase me. But if only one day in a few years makes me feel crappy, then mentally I am better than most. One day today will just be Star Wars day like it is to everyone else but for today in 2022 it is a sucky day!
