New home... new start....

I am happy to say that I am completely moved in and settled into my new home!  I feel so AMAZING!  I was worried that without the help of my dad and stop mom that I would be stressed out, and not know how to handle the house, kids, work etc....  But the opposite has happened.  I feel more organized, energized, satisfied and content.  

The big move was last weekend, and that first night as I sat on the couch looking at the piles and piles of boxes I thought OH MY GOSH.... I am never going to get all of this done.   But Sunday morning N came over with the boys (Jonah was home sick with Mike) and he helped me put all the kids beds together and move some things around.  (Thanks N! I appreciate it!... can't wait for you to come back and finish hanging stuff up!)   And all week I just unpacked and unpacked and unpacked, organized, organized, organized...... along with you know that pesky thing called work!  I was able to in less than a week be all ready and done in the new house.  There are still some things that need to be hung up on the walls.  But for the most part, EVERY box has been unpacked and everything has been put in its proper place!! WOO HOO!!!  

And on TOP of the amazing news of my new house I received my final divorce papers in the mail.  It is finally OFFICIAL....   I honestly thought I would have an emotional moment when I saw those papers.  But it didn't happen that way....  I was excited and happy about it.  It all happened in the most perfect timing.   I am forever grateful to have known, loved, and remain best friends with Mike.... the fact that I have the four most amazing boys makes every tear, sob, mental breakdown worth it.  (Don't get me wrong, we had a lot of amazing, happy, fun times too)  But now as an official single woman, I feel damned good!  


I have a new outlook on myself.  I know there are things that I need to improve on in my own self.  I am working on that.  I am starting by presenting myself the best that I can possibly can.  I am trying to make sure that my outer me truly represents how the inner me feels.   It helps that it is spring and love wearing dresses and heels this time of year!!   Trying to always wear a smile, and get away from that constant frown that tends to appear in my eyebrows!   I can't be happy if I don't make it happen.   I do not need anyone to make me happy and satisfied with myself and my life.  I need me....    and as a result of me being happy, my boys will see the changes in my attitude and life and will reap the benefits of it!   

Happy Friday everyone.... live life to the fullest!!  Enjoy your weekend! 

Sometimes a song....

Sometimes the words of a song can open up your eyes in many ways.  A couple of weeks ago I purchased Prism by Katy Perry....   The song BY THE GRACE OF GOD is AMAZING!

Here are the lyrics: 

Was 27 surviving my return to Saturn
A long vacation didn't sound so bad
Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron melting
Running on empty, so out of gas

Thought I wasn't enough and I wasn't so tough
Laying on the bathroom floor
We were living on a fault line
And I felt the fault was all mine
Couldn't take it any more

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other and I
Looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn't gonna let love take me out
That way

I thank my sister for keeping my head above the water
When the truth was like swallowing sand
Now every morning
There is no more morning oh I
Can finally see myself again

I know I am enough
Possible to be loved
It was not about me
Now I have to rise above
Let the universe call the bluff
Yeah the truth will set you free

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other and I
Looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn't gonna let love take me out

That way no
There ain't no
Not in the name of love
In the name of love (in the name of love)
That way
There ain't no
I'm not giving up

By the grace of God
I picked myself back up
I put one foot in front of the other and I
Looked in the mirror (looked in the mirror)
Looked in the mirror (looked in the mirror)

By the grace of God (there was no other way)
I picked myself back up (I knew I had to stay)
I put one foot in front of the other and I
Looked in the mirror and decided to stay
Wasn't gonna let love take me out
That way

Songwriters
PERRY, KATY / WELLS, GREG

Published by
Lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

Anyone who is close to me at this point in my life knows that being close to God isn't where I am.  I have my own bitterness and issues that I need to work on.  

But the words of this song are so very true to me and my situation.  This is exactly how I feel/felt.  I felt that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't worthy of love, that somehow this was all my fault.  And now I am at the point where I look in the mirror and know the opposite is true.   I am learning to accept compliments from people in particular men. I know that everything that we go through in life is a lesson and develops yet another part of our minds, hearts and soul into the person we are meant to be. 

As I continue to grow and learn and develop more into the woman I was meant to be I see more and more the areas that need improvement and the parts that are pretty damn good!!  

 

If you read my blog regularly you might remember that last year I posted how I wanted a tattoo that says "I was given this life because I am strong enough to live it."   Well I finally did get that tattoo!  It says " I was given this life and I am Strong enough to live it"  I have those words placed around an anchor.  

 

The anchor to me signifies strength.  The tide is strong and the anchor holds the ship in place even as the waves and tide try and take it away.   That is what this means to me.    This is my every day reminder of who I am, who I am meant to be.  I was able to pick myself up out of the lowest of lows to learn once again who I am and what I can become!   

That is all for today!  I hope everyone has had a great day today!