Today my son Caleb received recognition for making Honor Roll at his school This is his 2nd Quarter in a row, and I am beyond proud of him. He is so incredibly smart (like me... no really!) but in the same breath I must say he gets his laziness from me too! I could have done so well in school but I did just enough to get by so I could play sports, not enough to excel! I tell him that all the time..... HE WILL BE BETTER THAN I EVER WAS!!!!
So today we were all at his school (Myself, Mike and N) for Caleb's Honor Roll presentation. I was in the kitchen area helping another mom prepare the snacks that were going to be provided to the kids. We were talking back and forth about our kids... how many... ages etc. So after when the kids were getting their snacks Mike came and handed me my purse and let me know he spilled my coffee (PUNK YOU OWE ME ONE!!) and we were joking back and forth, N came over and said a couple things I can't remember what. So as N was walking away, the girl recognized him and asked is that ..... I went to school with his sister. I said oh yeah it is.... So then she asks does he have a kid here? OH HERE WE GO.... I said no, that is my kids dads boyfriend. Her poor eyes got so huge... she just said OH.... then a second later said "The way you said that and the way you talk to them speaks highly of the type of person you are." I said thank you and that was the end of the conversation.
I got to thinking. It isn't that I haven't heard that before. I hear it a lot from people I know, but haven't really experienced it with someone who didn't know me personally. And I know that I have handled my life with a grace that not many people could have. I get that, and I am very proud of myself that I have. Anyone who is very close to me knows that I had my share of crying, begging, screaming and depression over the entire thing.... but if you are not close family or in my close circle of friends... you probably didn't see very much of that. (With the exception of my IG/Facebook outlash in July! Give me a break it was the only one!!) But when I hear people tell me I am a good person..... I automatically go back to last week when the kids had been with me for 10 days straight and I blurted out "I am ready for you guys to go to your dads for the weekend" and I go to the fact that my Christmas tree is still up in my living room. And I have a pile of laundry that needs to be done. I haven't vacuumed the floor in over two weeks.... That I have put off making a dentist appointment for the boys for months. I focus on all of the things that I should be doing better! I am guessing that is what most people do??? I don't know. A good person.... but a crazy stressed mom!
But here is a recent realization for me. I am a BAD ASS MOM!!! If the worse thing someone can say about me as a mom is that my house is messy.... I am OK with that! My kids ALWAYS have clean clothes to wear. They were nice, matched, ironed clothes daily to school. If they want hot lunch they have money for that... if they want cold lunch I make it. If they need a volunteer in their class I am there.... If they need a team mom I am usually the idiot that volunteers. I make every sporting event and even most practices. They are clean, well fed, well behaved, happy, spoiled, amazing kids! Do I make a full meal every night? NOPE.... sometimes they eat eggs and toast for dinner.... sometimes we GASP!!!! grab fast food!!! My heart, life, devotion, everything revolves around these boys. I work to support them, I do my photography to allow me to be able to spoil them a bit. I cherish every second I have with them. Even if they are making me crazy. Which they do quite often. If my kids can look back and remember that I was always there for them, encouraging them, doing whatever I could to make their life successful and know that I love them with all of my being, that I put them before I ever put myself. Then I am a good woman....
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
The last 6 months = Road to Happiness
Yeah it has been a while since I have written. And it made me feel good that someone actually mentioned it to me, that they missed reading them! (Thank you Kellie)
I took a few minutes and I read through all of the postings I have done so far. . I have come SO far in the last two years it is amazing. I am no longer that confused, scared, trying to keep a smile on my face woman. I am strong, I am confident, I am for lack of a better word.... Happy.
It took a lot of struggles and mistakes to get to this point. I was searching and searching for love, I kept thinking that is the only thing that will make me complete and whole again. But that is SO not the case. I am whole as me... just me.... Being happy with myself, as I am emotionally in the best place I have been in years!
My boys are growing so fast. Caleb at 10 1/2 is almost as tall as me. Jonah has grown over an inch in the last month! (and outgrown all of his school clothes!) Zechariah has even hit a growth spurt. Levi my baby will be 3 next week!! Caleb has found his love of sports in football and cannot wait for next season. We are getting ready to get Jonah signed up for baseball. His sport of choice. Zechariah and Levi are my gamers. LOL
My schedule with the kids and Mike has changed quite a bit, and it was an adjustment at first, but it is working now. Mentally it is a better thing for me. I had to make a decision for once that put my own emotions first, not the kids or Mike. So he does not come to my house every day anymore. Although he is more than welcome in my home, he no longer has a key and no longer comes to get the boys every day.
My relationship with Mike and N is great. N is now listed in my phone as "BDLP" (Baby Daddy Life Partner).... we think it is funny! We text and talk quite a bit and are able to just be friends. We all are on the same page when it comes to the boys. We all co-parent and speak to each other regarding all situations with the kids. "I had to sit Caleb down and tell him....." Or "Jonah and Zech were fighting etc..." "What do you think we should do about ...." We socialize together at holidays and special occasions. We went to Caleb's football games and sat together in the bleachers. As always the easiest way to describe it is we are a strange family.... but a family none the less!
As far as me and my love life... it is non-existent. Not because a lack of effort or interest. I just that I am not settling for anything less than everything I want in someone. Until I find it, I am going to have a good time and enjoy my life. I have reconnected with old friends, learned to stay away from some people who call themselves "friends", and focus on me and doing what I need to do to continue my quest in happiness.
2014 is gearing up to be a great year. Our divorce will be final sometime in the next 30-60 days. Which could bring up a bit of emotion, but I won't let that word define me. I am looking forward to this year, my attitude this year is be truly happy. I will continue on that road!
Happy 2014 to everyone reading! May this year be better than the previous!
I took a few minutes and I read through all of the postings I have done so far. . I have come SO far in the last two years it is amazing. I am no longer that confused, scared, trying to keep a smile on my face woman. I am strong, I am confident, I am for lack of a better word.... Happy.
It took a lot of struggles and mistakes to get to this point. I was searching and searching for love, I kept thinking that is the only thing that will make me complete and whole again. But that is SO not the case. I am whole as me... just me.... Being happy with myself, as I am emotionally in the best place I have been in years!
My boys are growing so fast. Caleb at 10 1/2 is almost as tall as me. Jonah has grown over an inch in the last month! (and outgrown all of his school clothes!) Zechariah has even hit a growth spurt. Levi my baby will be 3 next week!! Caleb has found his love of sports in football and cannot wait for next season. We are getting ready to get Jonah signed up for baseball. His sport of choice. Zechariah and Levi are my gamers. LOL
My schedule with the kids and Mike has changed quite a bit, and it was an adjustment at first, but it is working now. Mentally it is a better thing for me. I had to make a decision for once that put my own emotions first, not the kids or Mike. So he does not come to my house every day anymore. Although he is more than welcome in my home, he no longer has a key and no longer comes to get the boys every day.
My relationship with Mike and N is great. N is now listed in my phone as "BDLP" (Baby Daddy Life Partner).... we think it is funny! We text and talk quite a bit and are able to just be friends. We all are on the same page when it comes to the boys. We all co-parent and speak to each other regarding all situations with the kids. "I had to sit Caleb down and tell him....." Or "Jonah and Zech were fighting etc..." "What do you think we should do about ...." We socialize together at holidays and special occasions. We went to Caleb's football games and sat together in the bleachers. As always the easiest way to describe it is we are a strange family.... but a family none the less!
As far as me and my love life... it is non-existent. Not because a lack of effort or interest. I just that I am not settling for anything less than everything I want in someone. Until I find it, I am going to have a good time and enjoy my life. I have reconnected with old friends, learned to stay away from some people who call themselves "friends", and focus on me and doing what I need to do to continue my quest in happiness.
2014 is gearing up to be a great year. Our divorce will be final sometime in the next 30-60 days. Which could bring up a bit of emotion, but I won't let that word define me. I am looking forward to this year, my attitude this year is be truly happy. I will continue on that road!
Happy 2014 to everyone reading! May this year be better than the previous!
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