So here starts my journey... my venting spot... and hopefully my encouragement to those who may be in my (our) situation.  My name is Tiffany.  I am 37 years old, mother to 4 amazing boys.  Caleb is 8, Jonah is 4, Zechariah is 3 and Levi is 16 months.  I have been married for 10 years to my best friend Mike. We do not have a typical "happy" ending.  Our marriage will not make it to 11 years, but our friendship will make it for as long as we breathe. 

This blog is meant to be a resource, an encouragement, a hope for anyone that might be going through the same changes in their life that I am.  

On May 4, 2002 I married Mike, on September 11 2011 I picked up his cell phone as he slept, and as the text messages rolled in, I began to read them, and then I began to respond to them.  And from there I knew.... my husband was in a relationship with another man.  I read these text messages that read "I miss being with you", "when will we be together again"  at first as I typed, I responded like I was Mike....  then as I began to hurt I was fed up, and jumped on Facebook and messaged this guy personally.  And the words that followed cut me like no other.  "You are fat and I can't believe he stayed with you as long as he has", it went on and on how I was ugly and unwanted, and the only reason he has stayed with me this long is because of the kids.   Those words hurt me so bad.  I mean I knew our marriage wasn't perfect.  But we were always pretty honest.  We struggled in our sexual relationship... but obviously it existed I mean we had 4 kids!!   That night seemed to last forever.  I remember throwing my phone at Mike, telling him to wake his ass up, it's DONE, the cat is out of the bag, pack your bags....  I am sure I said quite a few choice words that night.  Quietly enough not to wake the kids of course!   The entire night, and day we stared at each other.  I don't think either of us knew what to do.  WE LOVE EACH OTHER!!  But our "love" was the love of our friendship... not a marriage type love.  Believe me this isn't something I knew then....  I mean  How... how can this man who I have 4 children with be gay?  What did I do? What should I have done? How did I cause this? Why wasn't I good enough? Did I always know? Why me?  What are my kids going to think? What are my friends going to think? Are my boys gay?  I didn't want to be "THAT" woman.  The one that her husband left her for a MAN!!   Who would want me now?   I think I cried for at least 2 weeks straight!  Thank goodness I worked for my best friends husband.  He knew what was going on, and left me alone as I sat in my office and cried for hours on end.  I remember leaving early the day he moved his things out of our house.  I sat in my car a block a way and watched him move his clothes out of the house.   I remember calling him and asking him to meet me to talk... and BEGGING him to come back.  What was I going to do without him.  How was I going to manage.  I work full time, I run my own photography business.  I have 4 kids... our youngest was less than 9 months old at the time.  I was at the end of my training to run my first half marathon!!  HOW... how was I going to manage without my husband... my best friend?  

MY life was in shambles...  I was lost... I was scared... (still am actually!)  But with Mike's encouragement, I am starting this blog... do I know what I am doing... NOPE!!!   But I am hoping some of the stories we might have to share, may bring light to a dark situation.  I have looked and looked for resources to help me cope with this.  There are not many for this situation! From what I hear from people, the situation is more common than most people know.  And I believe that a lot of women who may be in my shoes, may be too scared or embarrassed to share what they are going through.  I am not embarrassed any more.  I am proud of myself... the mom I am, the friend I am and the wife that I was.   SO here is the beginning... how it will continue, I have no clue.  But you have to start somewhere right?