I made it through.....

I can officially say I made it through Valentines Day.  Yes I know it is a made up full of shit "holiday" but I swear to you it gets me in the lowest of funks!  

I was good until about 1:15pm.  My boys had given me their card and chocolates and a candle (so sweet, Thanks Mike) and then a friend of the family dropped off a vase of tulips from the "boys".   Then a comment made by a friend threw me for a loop.  I am going to paraphrase, but basically they said "why do people care so much about this damn day, if you get someone who shows you love the other 364 days a year why does this day fucking matter".   And while I agree with that statement 100%..... I sat there thinking, what would I give to have someone to show me love the other 364 days a year.   And it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was a mess for the rest of the day.  

People may not understand why today makes such a big impact on me.  But this is a day I live for... not for what I can get.... but for what I can GIVE.  I have so much love to give, and so many ways to express it.  Crafty, handmade, thoughtful things that I would give anything to be able to do for someone I love.  I say on "this day" because on any other day some things may seem overboard.   I don't really care about the flowers and candy and dinners etc.  I care about the person who goes to the store and spends an hour trying to find the perfect card.  Because that is the type of person I AM.     

Then as I see Mike happy and in love in his relationship, it takes that hammer to my heart a little more and I wonder why.....  It seems it is a 3 steps forward 2 steps back on days like this.   I am definitely looking forward to the day where I don't care about his relationship and how happy he is.   I deserve the happiness and bliss in a relationship.  I deserve someone to tell me they love me and want to spend their life with me.  But until the right person comes around, I will have to deal with my issues as they come. 

Anyway... I survived....  a little puffy eyed and blah... but I made it through.  Maybe next year will be different.